We’ve got a pretty meta episode talking about communication: why it breaks down, how gender and social conditioning shape the way we speak, and why so many relationship problems are actually communication problems wearing a different outfit.
One thing Shannon sees constantly in therapy is people feeling unheard, disconnected, or unsupported.
“They never communicate.” “They don’t listen.” “I feel alone in this relationship.”
Sometimes that’s true. But just as often, we’re also participating in the dynamic without realising it.
A big part of communication is recognising how we contribute to the cycle, not just what the other person is doing wrong. That’s uncomfortable - But it’s also where things can actually start to change.
We’re outsourcing conversations to AI now (which is… a bit weird?)
OR
AI is helping us communicate… maybe a little too much
We also talked about how normal it’s become to ask AI to write texts, emails, apology messages, breakup scripts — basically anything emotionally uncomfortable.
And look, we get the appeal. It’s faster, cleaner, less awkward.
Shannon mentioned how many younger clients are genuinely anxious about phone calls because they’re terrified of saying the wrong thing. If AI smooths over every conversation, we lose opportunities to build tolerance for awkwardness, repair misunderstandings, and realise mistakes are survivable.
The gender thing is real
We couldn’t talk about communication without talking about gender expectations.
Women are often taught to be:
polite
accommodating
emotionally aware
careful not to sound “too much”
Men are more often encouraged to be:
direct
confident
assertive
solution-focused
So you end up with this frustrating double standard where a man being direct is “confident,” but a woman being direct can be labelled “bossy,” “aggressive,” or “difficult.”
A few things that actually help
1. Practice in low-stakes situations
If asserting yourself feels terrifying, don’t start with the biggest confrontation of your life.
Start small:
send food back politely
state a preference with friends
say “I can’t make it tonight” without a huge apology paragraph
2. Stop assuming people can read your mind
Hints, passive comments, and hoping someone “just gets it” usually create confusion, not closeness. Clear communication feels vulnerable because it removes the safety net of ambiguity.
But it also gives people a real chance to respond.
3. Notice when being liked is getting in the way
A lot of us soften, over-explain, or avoid honesty because we want to be perceived as kind, easygoing, or agreeable (guilty 🙋♀️).
You can be kind and clear at the same time.
4. Remember communication is two-sided
You can say something calmly and respectfully, and the other person may still react poorly. That doesn’t automatically mean you communicated badly.
Part of communication is also recognising when someone else doesn’t have the capacity for reciprocity, accountability, or emotional regulation in that moment.
Journal prompts
Do I feel safe being honest about what I need?
What communication habit is helping my relationships and what habit is hurting them?
How do I want the people I care about to feel after talking with me?
Recs
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
You’re not Listening by Kate Murphy
The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher
Your turn
Tell us in the comments, DMs, or over on Instagram.
And if this episode made you think, “oh no, I do that”, welcome. Same.
— Shannon & Georgia 💜
